chanter1944 | update to the last: I'm okay

Thank you so much to everyone who commented on that last entry of mine. Much love!

Showed the bosslady the list. She was sympathetic, if definitely a bit thrown. She first asked if I was quitting - "Nooooo no, definitely not." Wound up taking two days off, with her blessing. I need them. The day got better from there on in; I don't know why uncorking, embarrassing though it was after the fact, helped, but it did. Also helping were several messes getting sorted out all at once, and a relatively mellow day. I still need the vacation time, badly. By late morning, I was not flinching at phone rings or e-mail pings, and chatting with friendly customers was a pleasure rather than a chore. Definite improvements, and again, no idea why uncorking helped.

Seriously looking into getting a medical opinion on this anxiety stuff, because it's been bad, lifelong, and it's getting worse, and I have a family history of the same; Mom has it too, though often well-hidden. People at work seem to think it's purely an attitude/reaction thing, of the 'change your outlook' variety. As changing my outlook involves a good amount of what feels suspiciously like plastering on an obviously fake smile, I'm not sure this is something a sunny mindset is going to cure.

I need the vacation time. There will be reading up a storm, and radio time as both receiver and transmitter, and *fingers crossed* a blood donation, and kitty cuddles, and maybe a campfire.

Bless my boss, seriously. I wrote her a grateful e-mail before taking off for vacation time. Strongly considering a gift of chocolate out of gratitude for putting up with my self-confessed high-strung self.

Just wanted to update everybody. I'm okay. I'm flipping tired and need a recharge.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

technoshaman

Kitteh Therapy is highly recommended. And requires no stronger prescription than a can, pouch, or bag of their favourite, and a nice clean sandbox.

Go you! *hugs*

Edited (Edit Rx) Date: 2017-06-22 12:02 am (UTC)

alatefeline

Yes. Anxiety and burnout - having had both, with a hostile workplace CAUSING the burnout - feed each other.

The underlying disposition to anxiety may well need addressing. But the actual *problems* the anxiety is grabbing on, burnout related or not, to magnify need to be legitimately recognised as things to address as well - they CANNOT be wished away with a 'change your attitude', at this point that has BEEN TRIED. What you need is enough support and enough feeling of security to unwind some of those problems - as well as a break from them! Then, when/if these specific issues go away or take a back seat for awhile, you may notice/detect the underyling anxiety issue casting around for something else to latch on to - and *that* is where strategies to deter it getting its hooks in help.

Anyway. I hope that came out coherent and relevant, I'm not confident in my own mental state right now? But please know people care and want you to have the chance to feel less bad and more good.

kellan_the_tabby

*points up* what they said, cos alatefeline is a smart

also yay for a good boss! i'm glad showing her the thing went well

siliconshaman

*hugs*

Happy decompression time..

wyld_dandelyon

Anxiety is not an attitude thing, it's how your brain is wired. Some of that is likely "software" but given how strongly it shows up in families, I think most of it is "hardware".

My sister says that part of coping with anxiety is figuring out how to make the particular kinds of anxiety you have work for you. For instance, some jobs really benefit from perfectionism, while other jobs are hindered by it. Someone who's anxious that everything they do should be perfect should be in a job where that trait is valued.

Hang in there!