Then you know you're... what?
Jun. 20th, 2017 10:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chanter1944I am 99% sure I'm showing this to my boss tomorrow. I'm scared stiff, but it really is the best idea I can come up with. Then you know you...? Need a new job? Are burned out? Are an overly anxious ball of overreaction? Need to grow the hell up with your wanting-a-slower-pace self?
Bosslady*,
I know this mode of delivery is an odd one, and an oddly formal one, but formality's not what I'm going for here. Very much the opposite; you're a great boss, and you've been better to me than I deserve. I just do better when i'm able to draft something rather than blurting it out. You've probably seen me lock up verbally when trying to get words out in a tense situation, and I don't want to splutter through this.
This is me over the last few weeks. Second person pronouns used because I started this in list form.
When thinking about work, at all, causes you a physical - tightening guts, chills, tangibly elevated heart rate - stress response. This includes when you're doing mundane things, like sitting at home in your rocking chair, or watching a television series you usually love.
When thinking about the next day makes you queasy with dread.
When you don't want to eat, because of both the stomach squirmies, and the time loss sticking a granola bar in your face will cause you.
When you know you're not learning from your mistakes, even though you're trying to.
When you flinch every time your e-mail goes off or your phone rings.
When you don't want to sleep, even though you know you need to, because then you lose a whole night on your own time, and after you lose the whole night of your own time, it'll be tomorrow and work again, where you dread...
When you just can't keep up with anything unless reminders of it are shoved in your face every five minutes, because you're a child, or not motivated, or both.
When you don't want to take a day off, because of what failure of yours might come to light in your absence, and because during your absence, another avalanche will fall into your queue and wait for you, and you know it.
When building pleasantly professional rapport with your customers stops being something you pride yourself on, and starts feeling like a waste of time someone will probably call you on one of these days.
When you forget the answers to obvious work-related questions that you knew six months ago, and you know you should know, but the person to ask is either gone, new, or knows as well as you do that you should know the answer by now.
When saving someone's event, or helping someone celebrate their daughter's birthday, or making sure someone has the clothes for work that may well allow them to keep their job, stops making you proud and just feels like another chore to be rushed through.
When you're more exhausted, mentally, then you remember being before February of this year, and there were plenty of times where you were extremely exhausted before February of this year.
When you don't like the woman under your work facade very much anymore.
When you have the bright idea to show this to your boss, and you're scared silly of the reaction you'll get, but it truly is the best idea you've got.
Then, you know you...?
*Bosslady's name omitted.
Bosslady*,
I know this mode of delivery is an odd one, and an oddly formal one, but formality's not what I'm going for here. Very much the opposite; you're a great boss, and you've been better to me than I deserve. I just do better when i'm able to draft something rather than blurting it out. You've probably seen me lock up verbally when trying to get words out in a tense situation, and I don't want to splutter through this.
This is me over the last few weeks. Second person pronouns used because I started this in list form.
When thinking about work, at all, causes you a physical - tightening guts, chills, tangibly elevated heart rate - stress response. This includes when you're doing mundane things, like sitting at home in your rocking chair, or watching a television series you usually love.
When thinking about the next day makes you queasy with dread.
When you don't want to eat, because of both the stomach squirmies, and the time loss sticking a granola bar in your face will cause you.
When you know you're not learning from your mistakes, even though you're trying to.
When you flinch every time your e-mail goes off or your phone rings.
When you don't want to sleep, even though you know you need to, because then you lose a whole night on your own time, and after you lose the whole night of your own time, it'll be tomorrow and work again, where you dread...
When you just can't keep up with anything unless reminders of it are shoved in your face every five minutes, because you're a child, or not motivated, or both.
When you don't want to take a day off, because of what failure of yours might come to light in your absence, and because during your absence, another avalanche will fall into your queue and wait for you, and you know it.
When building pleasantly professional rapport with your customers stops being something you pride yourself on, and starts feeling like a waste of time someone will probably call you on one of these days.
When you forget the answers to obvious work-related questions that you knew six months ago, and you know you should know, but the person to ask is either gone, new, or knows as well as you do that you should know the answer by now.
When saving someone's event, or helping someone celebrate their daughter's birthday, or making sure someone has the clothes for work that may well allow them to keep their job, stops making you proud and just feels like another chore to be rushed through.
When you're more exhausted, mentally, then you remember being before February of this year, and there were plenty of times where you were extremely exhausted before February of this year.
When you don't like the woman under your work facade very much anymore.
When you have the bright idea to show this to your boss, and you're scared silly of the reaction you'll get, but it truly is the best idea you've got.
Then, you know you...?
*Bosslady's name omitted.
no subject
Date: 2017-06-21 04:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-06-21 05:41 am (UTC)When you can't daydream your otherwise favorite daydreams, on your own off-work time, because in them you're a comms officer, a shipboard one, and you logically know that that probably wouldn't be a calling like you imagine, it would probably be just a job instead, and when you realize that fact, your heart starts speeding up, and...
no subject
Date: 2017-06-21 05:47 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2017-06-21 05:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-06-21 04:34 am (UTC)I think that might be helpful/result in better outcomes.
Reading this, I don't know if
a) you need a holiday
b) you need treatment for Anxiety/Depression
c) you need a part time job instead of a full time job
d) you need different duties
e) you need to work for a different organisation
no subject
Date: 2017-06-21 11:34 pm (UTC)Also taking two days off, so the holiday's happening.
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Date: 2017-06-21 05:08 am (UTC)*hugs*
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Date: 2017-06-21 11:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-06-21 01:49 pm (UTC)-Fallon~
no subject
Date: 2017-06-21 04:11 pm (UTC)Yes...
Date: 2017-06-21 09:53 am (UTC)Re: Yes...
Date: 2017-06-21 11:41 pm (UTC)Oof, to that burnout checklist. Yep, much, though not all, applies.
Re: Yes...
Date: 2017-06-22 12:42 am (UTC)Good boss.
>> and strongly considering getting a proper medical diagnosis for this anxiety thing, if that's doable. <<
You could at least look around and see what resources are available. That may help you make a decision. Asking for help from nutjobs is precarious, but if there are good caregivers available, it's more promising.
>> Oof, to that burnout checklist. Yep, much, though not all, applies. <<
Sorry about that, I should've put a warning on it. Most checklists of that type will say if you have X many symptoms, you probably have that problem. Few people will have them all. I did recognize a handful just from your post.
*hugs offered* I hope things get better soon.
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Date: 2017-06-21 11:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-06-21 11:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-06-21 11:24 am (UTC)*hugs*
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Date: 2017-06-21 01:43 pm (UTC)We shut down. Depression is a thing where in burn out. All we want to do is sleep. We somehow got it in our brain that that will make things more bearable. All it does is piss us the fuck off because now we has less time to do things needs done. :(
and then it's just...vicious storm. sleep/no thing done/sleep more/more pissed...*sigh*
-Fallon (Going language switch, sorry. I hopes I's understood. xd)
PS: No; not Jay, though I think his patterns in this respect are rubbing off. o___o)
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Date: 2017-06-21 11:37 pm (UTC)no subject
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