just about all out of clever

[chanter1944]

Home. Flattened by overload, keyed up from same, but happy. Favorable impressions all round. I find myself wanting to fit in there, already doing so, but forever looking for the pitfall I'll drop through that'll embarrass me mortally in the eyes of everybody there. Dammit, I didn't want a blind job, but this isn't. Nobody notices, really. Not where it's important. Yeah, I'm a talker, but it's /wanted/ out there, or at least that's the impression I'm sincerely hoping I'm not wrong in getting. I don't want this to come back and slap me in the face two weeks from now. Good lord, am I seriously that gun shy? I've never been abused, what's with insecurity this deep-seated? Have I just been reading too much fic again?

I actually want to fit in out there. I want to make this work, and oh brother, do I not want to screw this up.

I'll worry about that tomorrow. Right now, even I can recognize that dwelling on something will do me no earthly good. Parents have been called, shoes have been temporarily taken off, and soon there will be something hot to eat and probably drink, too. And then there will be muito unwinding, because lord do I need it. I'm talked out from what felt like several months worth of giddy chatter pressure venting, and nobody minded. How the hell? K the shadowee is a talker herself, and her older fosterdaughter's described as the two of us chatty Kathys combined. Can this really be an asset?

Oh man, I am keyed up. I need to go chill. More later. And since when did this turn into a pseudo-angsty character study of myself? Gah, no more, dummy. Chilling now.

Comments

[ceitfianna]

*hugs* New jobs you want are stressful. It sounds like its good and all your feelings are normal. I'm still feeling many of them at my new job.

Be gentle with yourself, you did good.

[jewelledfairy.livejournal.com]

I hope it works out for you!

[jewelledfairy.livejournal.com]

p.s. Saw this and thought of you: http://archive.org/details/oldtimeradio

[chanter1944]

That's a long-time resident in my bookmarks list! XD You've got me pegged, you have.

Good luck!

[ysabetwordsmith]

Good luck with the job hunt. Given the state the world is in these days, I think everyone is anxious about getting a job. It's not just you.